Giving up

So this tumblr is kind of new and people on my old tumblr don’t really know too much about me. I was a pretty good high school runner. Split 49.4 in the 4x4, 1:24.0 in the 600, and I ran 1:56.6 in the open 800. First mile I ever did was 4:37 and I ran 70, 70, 73, 63. Obviously I had no clue what I was doing. But then senior year I got achilles tendonitis in the middle of my cross country season. The day after my last dual meet, which I won, with an 18 second pr, against our rival school, the first time I actually race a cross country race, to be exact. I had to sit out for 3 weeks and just brew within myself. I felt like I was letting everyone down. I started to workout to get back into shape. Opened up the indoor season with a 51 split, but ran like 2:07 in my first 800, ew. The fast members of my team pretty much all had graduated, so I ran almost all of my workouts by myself. A few weeks later and I ran 2 flat in a big race and had my ass handed to me by the field. But I continued to work through my tendonitis, stretching my achilles out every night then icing it. It was my job to get better. I had to get a scholarship, so college wouldn’t be hard on my parents. I kept running. State qualifying meet and I was determinded to win the 600. It was what I had been dreaming about since my freshman year. I came in forth. 1st beat me by .2, second beat me by .14, and third beat me by .03. I ran 1:22.96. However I did qualify for the state meet in the open because 3rd’s team had qualified in the 4x8 (eventually that team would run 7:37 and finish 6th at outdoor nationals) and that’s what his coach wanted him to focus on. I beat the two who were ahead of me at states, finished 11th overall, missed 10th by .004. My 1:22 had qualified me for the championship division of indoor nationals in the open 8. I ran around 1:57, not bad but I wanted around 1:55.

Outdoor started, and I was rolling. Third meet of the season and I ran 1:57 again. It doesn’t sound impressive but the way that I did it was. The first 400 went out in a 61, came back in a 56. A 5 second negative split is pretty impressive considering my best races are normally when I negative split. Then the accident happened. I was doing max bench and I dropped the weight on my myself. My shoulder felt weird immediately after, but I didn’t say much about it. I just kept running. The injury inhibited my arm from moving in its normal north-south motion as I like. It started to cross my chest and fade off during the last part of races. This made for problems. My best race of the seaosn was a 1:56.4 800, only a .2 pr. We went out in a 55 and I came bak in a 61, a 6 second positive split, it was totally fucking miserable. All the other races were slow, I didn’t qualify for states, I didn’t hit the 1:55 I needed for my coach to think that I belonged at nationals, I wasn’t going to earn a scholarship from any respectable D1 program. So what did I do, I decided to go to the best school, for the best price, with definitely the best track team. Virginia Tech. I ran through the summer, still toughing out my injury, trying to get in shape for my tryouts. For 3 and half months I had my ass handed to me by a daily basis by these people. They are incredible athletes. I did my best and kept up on some days, but as I found out later, I was re-injuring my shoulder on a daily basis with over head lifts, push ups, pull ups, and swimming. I was just trying to do what every one else was doing. A week after Thanksgiving, I was cut. I was the last one cut. The maximum roster had not been set, so the coach said that if I raced well at the first few indoor meets that I could join the team again. He didn’t tell me times to hit, he just said well. I went home for Christmas break and had my shoulder looked at, I found out that my collarbone was not attached to my chest, I started doing pt as soon as I got back to Blacksburg. My first race was 1000m, 2:40.8 (5 seconds off my pr), second race was a 600m, 1:25.58 (almost 3 seconds off my pr). But I haven’t given up, I’m running at leats 6 days a week, doing abs 3 days a week, cross training in the pool 3 days a week, and biking 2 days a week. I have an 800 in another week and am hoping that it goes well. I’m not going to list a time because I don’t really know what I’m capable of. I’m just going to run. I couldn’t give up on this. Not after all of the work I had put in. What would happen if I gave up? “Oh that was a nice try, I guess it just isn’t for me.” No. What kind of man would I be if I gave up? What would that say about me? First semester was rough. More mileage, harder miles, altitude, culture shock, having to make new friends who already all knew each other because they are all from Virginia, harder school work, more school work, waking up early everyday, and more distractions made it not a fun time. But finally I am getting some momentum going: in track, in school, in relationships, in my life. I am finally getting back to myself.

Don’t give up. Fight for something you care about. Anything. Just don’t give up. I don’t want to be preachy, but as success is a pattern so is failure. Give up on one thing and you’ll give up on another. It’ll make you weak. It’s like a virus. That’s a large reaosn why I left home. I loved my high school so much, but there is a tremendous defeatist attitude there. People give up. They don’t care about anything. They live on the superficial part of life. Maybe I’m being over judgemental but that’s how I felt through a lot of high school. That place is capable of such great things with the great people in it, but they just don’t give a fuck about anything. It’s terrible. I wanted to go somewhere that I thought success was evident. I wanted to go to someplace that doesn’t give up. I wanted better for myself. I don’t love what I do everyday, but a day without running feels like a day wasted to me. After two months of athletic isolation, all I want is to feel like part of a group again. I want to be an example to the people back home, that hard work does pay off. That fighting for something will get you places. I want to prove to myself that I can do it. That I am a fighter.

“Being aggressive, being tough…that’s the Virginia Tech way.” - Frank Beamer